Humbling Parenting Moments

Well, I debated whether I wanted to blog about this. Really, it makes me shiver to even mentally recall the event. But if blogging is about capturing the "big memories", then this is definitely top-10 material so here goes nothing...

About a month ago my niece Izzy was dedicated at church. My brother Griff and sister-in-law Jen attend a different church than us. So I knew right away this was going to present some challenges with little Katelynn. She has a lot of anxiety in new situations; she is getting better with age but it is still no picnic. So, what are parents to do - force her to go to their childcare where she may completely melt down, or let her come into service with us and deal with the inevitable chatter and moving-about that comes along with being less than 4 years old?

After discussing it, Gene and I decided it would be best to fully explain the two options to KK and let her decide. It became clear pretty quickly that she was conflicted. Both options had negatives. She finally opted to come into the service with us. Two minutes before it started, she turned to me with a look of panic and said she changed her mind and wanted to go to the kids' area. So we headed down to the kids area and went through the looong check-in process. KK waited very calmly and patiently through the whole thing. Then we walked to the door to drop her off and she went into freak-out mode. I could tell - walking away wasn't going to work like it does at our own church. And none of the teachers knew anything about her so I was hesitant to leave her, only to be paged back to get her 5 minutes later. So I told KK that it was fine to come back to the service with me and reminded her that this option required her to sit quietly in the service.

We made it back into the service in the nick of time and barely caught the dedication. We were on the far side of the sanctuary, but pretty near to the front, and it was a large room packed full with hundreds of people. All the doors had been closed off except for two main doors at the very back of the room. The sermon commenced immediately following the dedication. Wouldn't you know it, KK would *not* be quiet and I was really starting to cringe, not wanting to be "that parent" that lets their child talk incessantly during a church service. Then Tyler began to stir and I knew I would have to leave to feed him soon too. So I looked at KK and told her we were going to leave the service.

She interpreted this at the ultimate punishment and within seconds we were dealing with a category-10 tantrum. She was just about impossible to control physically and it was a very looong walk out of that sanctuary. The entire walk out, she screamed at the top of her lungs: "I'LL BE QUIET NOW! I'LL BE QUIET NOW!" Everyone turned to stare at us, and the pastor even had to stop his sermon until we got out of there- oh please let me die! I am sure it took about 10 seconds to make it out of there but it felt like 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, my dad and Gene followed us out to the foyer. I was sweating by this time from the emotional embarrassment and helpless feeling! I sent Katelynn outside with them since I had to feed Tyler in the nursing room. She only wanted mommy, and it took her nearly an hour to calm down.

So, looking back on it, we should *not* have given KK the choice in this situation. I think we would have been better off choosing for her and setting stronger expectations for her behavior. Then again, maybe that would have backfired too. I just felt so helpless and inept as a parent, and this was truly one of the most humbling experiences of my life!

My only solace: KK will have hear this story for the rest of her life!