A Painful Milestone

Today was a joyous day of listening to Christmas music and putting out all my treasured holiday decorations - and getting to watch Katelynn really get it excited about it all for the first year. It was also a very painful day for me as a mommy as I helped her through an important milestone....

As I documented here, we have been telling KK that she would send her pacifiers to the Tooth Fairy on her third birthday in exchange for a gift. The third birthday officially arrived on the 25th and my resolve was waning. KK had made an occasional statement like "I don't want to give my pacifiers to the tooth fairy" and even Nanna was backing off and saying we shouldn't rush. So, I really wasn't sure when we would actually go through with all of this.

But KK was very adamant today that she was ready to do it. Gene and I asked her several times if she was sure - and if she understood that once she sent her pacifiers away, they wouldn't come back. KK insisted.

So we packaged them up in a simple envelope and I labeled it: To - The Tooth Fairy; From - Katelynn. She and I marched outside. Much to my chagrin, the little "outgoing" slot on our big industrial group mailbox was not pacifier-width. So we had to get in the car and drive to a mailbox. I figured with all the time to think about it, KK would back down and realize the grave error of her ways. Nope. She enthusiastically popped that envelope into the slot and said "Here you go, Tooth Fairy!" On the way there she told me "The Tooth Fairy is beautiful, mommy" and "The Tooth Fairy lives in a tree, mommy." She asked me what the Tooth Fairy was going to do with her pacifiers, and I told her she will give them to little babies that need them much more than KK. "Babies like Izzy-Belle, Mommy?" Yes, KK. Then she asked if the Tooth Fairy would be in our house when we got home, and I told her that she was a secretive fairy, and would deliver a gift when KK took her nap.

We came back home and KK proudly told daddy about her feat. Everything was going along swimmingly. Katelynn was ready to march upstairs for her nap so that the Tooth Fairy could arrive. She ran into her room and went straight to her little box to retrieve a pacifier. The light bulb suddenly went off. "Oh nooooooooo!" she wailed, and burst into tears. She completely lost control of her emotions upon fully realizing the big consequence of her earlier decision. I took her in my arms and hugged her, and just let her go nuts. The poor thing was inconsolable and kept repeating "I'm not ready to give my pacifier to the Tooth Fairy!" I let her come downstairs and get a snack and watch a TV show. My mommy heart was hurting....

At this point I figured she was not going to get a timely nap and told her I would take her out and purchase some long-coveted Dora shoes to reward her for being a big girl. The errand was a rocky one; she fell asleep for a short cat nap and woke up very grouchy. This combined with the pain of her decision made her very difficult to deal with. Let's just say that after a loooong trip out, she ended up with not only the Dora shoes but two games as well. She totally had me wrapped around her finger!

KK began to move from grief to acceptance. KK began to tell Gene and me very matter of factly: "I sent my pacifiers to the Tooth Fairy, mommy and daddy." Her mood improved greatly by dinner time. We got her to bed around 8 pm figuring she should be exhausted after no nap. I laid down with her and was shocked that there was no crying. She had accepted it so quickly! She told me "The Tooth Fairy is strong, mommy" and "She is going to come in through my window tonight and hide under my bed!" We then had our usual nighttime routine and I left her.

But sleep did not come quickly for Miss KK without her usual companion. There were two trips out for pottying and later I caught her peeking out her doorway at me. Gene moved her from the floor to her bed at one point. Shortly after we heard her quietly sobbing and saying "Mama" over and over. My heart sank and I went to lay down with her. It was hard to watch her. It was like watching a little tiny person grieve - and it was 100% my fault! Thank goodness we mailed all the pacifiers away or I would have caved in during that moment. The mommy guilt is rough; I personally stole away a piece of her innocence today!

I think she eventually drifted off to dreamland around 10 pm. The Tooth Fairy has now come and gone and left everything KK needs to make and decorate Christmas cookies with her mommy tomorrow.